Where is home? Where your parents live? Where you live? Where you are right now? Where your loved ones are?
Home…the word has such a lovely hum to it, home is always where I feel most comfortable; making homes, and being at home, and I will happily turn a tent on a one night camping trip into a cosy home with the help of some blankets and a few flowers. When I arrive home, wherever that is, I invariably feel my shoulders melt into the ground and my breath lengthen as I exhale into familiarity and comfort. Maybe it’s because I feel able to drop all my barriers at home, stop trying so hard, to be liked? to fit in? to do the right thing….? So my home becomes an oasis, where I don’t have to pretend..yeah I know I shouldn’t pretend anywhere, but that’s a work in progress.
In my defence, Cancer features very heavily in my astrological chart and the lovely woman who drew my chart, mentioned the word ‘cosy’ several times during the course of my consultation with her. I like things to be cosy, and curling up next to a warm winter fire, by candlelight, with some snuggly children nestled in for a story is a blissful feeling.
I think that’s why I have struggled with feelings of restless and insecurity during the last year when I just didn’t know where my home was going to be, and then when I did know, facing a double house move in two months.
So, as we begin the countdown to our final move to our land, I will be readjusting to another home. I know I will feel impatient to get curtains and rugs scattered around very quickly (I should be making them now….) and the children’s rooms comfortable and welcoming. (Hugh and I will be sleeping in the sitting room for a while, but we’ve done that before..it’s very cosy!) I know that the strange, slightly exhilarating, yet uneasy feeling of novelty will soon wear off and we will sink into our new ryhthms and ways on the land.
Back to an outside composting toilet, still awaiting completion…
Almost no electricity, save what we can glean from a leisure battery….plans for stream generated power are afoot… (shhhh! we will have a gas cooker, at least to begin with.)
I’ve abandoned ideas of a whiskey barrel bath tub (they leak if they dry out) and am resigned to a tin bath in the corner of the kitchen for now with heavy curtain drapes for modesty. Later we have plans for a rocket stove, wood fired shower, in a separate room, luxury of luxuries, but we must wait for time and money..Actually I really love tin baths, and harbour romantic memories of sitting in front of the wood stove in our yurt, soaking and watching the dancing flames, as the candles threw their shadows on the canvas walls.
My laundry will now be completed with the help of this lovely item, for my birthday present from my mother in law , a Victorian washboard, and a mangle yet to be purchased.
Lots of candles, and I will have an entire blog post devoted to candles very soon.
And lots more mud, and outside, and cosy firelit evenings.
I long to be settled. I have moved far too many times since children, and although I do have a restless changeable nature, I yearn for stability, security and a longterm home where I can root myself in the land and gather my scattered plans, thoughts and dreamings into one place, where they can flourish and grow. To sink down quietly into the earth and gather my family around to retreat and reflect for a while before this winter is over. Before the headlong full blossomed rush of Spring.
I’m looking forward to going home.
Where is your home?